A Story of Loss and Healing - part two

part two - the process of healing

(Disclaimer: In this email, I will be sharing a deeply personal experience involving pregnancy loss. Please take care of your heart and feel free to skip this message if you need to.)

First, thank you everyone for such beautiful feedback on part one of my story. Your kind words and support touched my heart, I am so blessed to have such a warm community of admirers. If you didn’t catch part one, find it here.

…up to this point, I hadn’t given myself time to process what I had just gone through. In fact, months went by, and my only focus was healing physically.

But what happens when the emotions catch up?

About four months after the whole ordeal, I started to feel really sad and heavy. It didn’t make sense to me because so much time had passed, but it was on my mind all the time. I honestly felt a little silly, I mean, it wasn’t even a viable pregnancy. Still, it was all I could think about. In fact, having a baby was all I thought about for a couple of years leading up to that time. Suddenly I was filled with fear. I was terrified of having another ectopic pregnancy, or worse, I wouldn’t get the chance to be a mommy at all.

I created an exhausting cycle of feeling depressed, sorry for myself, and admittedly, seeking sympathy. Additionally, I developed an irrational fear of driving on the highway (I found out later this was a form of deferred anxiety from all I had been through).

After a few months of existing in this downward cycle I decided it was time to find a way to heal and move forward. As I’m sure you know by now, I have journaled for a long time, using many different styles, but never had I tried (what I call) “Reflective Journaling”.

Not knowing where to start, I tried expressing my current feelings, but that wasn’t enough to give me the comfort I was searching for. So instead, I got more elaborate by writing every detail I could recall. It took me about a week to get it all out. I went slowly, allowed myself to cry, be angry, and grieve. I was surprised at how easy it was while being extremely difficult (if that makes sense).

What I did next may surprise you…

I threw it away without reading it.

That decision to throw away my journal was incredibly powerful. It was my way of releasing the weight I had been carrying for months. Writing down every emotion and detail helped me pour out the pain but letting go of those pages allowed me to symbolically release the sadness that had been holding me back. It felt like a necessary step in my healing process—like I was finally making space for something new.

After that, I made reflective journaling a regular practice. Instead of just venting my emotions, I used journaling to dig deeper. I started writing about my fears, my hopes, and the possibility of a brighter future. I allowed myself to visualize healing, both emotionally and physically. Through this process, I began to shift my mindset from fear to hope, from grief to acceptance.

What happened next was beautiful, I got pregnant. This time, the pregnancy was healthy, and we were overjoyed to welcome our beautiful daughter, Emily.

The moral of this story, for me, is that healing isn’t always linear or logical. It took time, patience, and a willingness to face my emotions head-on. Journaling became my safe space to do that. By reflecting on my experiences, I found a path forward, even when it felt impossible.

I hope that sharing this part of my journey reminds you that healing is possible, no matter how deep the wounds may go. The simple act of putting pen to paper can be the first step toward finding your way back to peace.

Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable with you. I’m so grateful to be a part of this community, and I hope my story can offer some light if you ever find yourself in a dark place.

Love and Light,
Laura